In 2005 Frances and Robert’s daughter, Pippa, was stillborn. At the time there wasn’t a Sands group local to her, but in 2012 Frances was introduced to another bereaved mother who asked her to go along to the newly formed  Bath Sands support group with her.

Frances shares how she was invited to become a committee member with Bath Sands and has gone on to volunteer as a Befriender.  

“Being several years on from my daughter’s death, I felt emotionally ready to take on another role in my grief and to be present for others too. I did the Sands Befriender training in London over two days, and it was excellent.  

“I remember my first support meeting. In those early days I sometimes wondered whether what I could give to bereaved parents was enough, but as time went on, I realised more and more that the benefit of the Befriending role is just being there.  

“In the past 14 years I think Bath Sands have supported 150 families, some for several years, others just once. Sometimes people come when they are newly bereaved and again later as life and family change.”

Alongside Befriending, Frances is also a volunteer gardener at Bath Sands Garden of Reflection, a beautiful space given to Bath Sands by Haycombe Cemetery, for families to visit, together or individually, to reflect, remember and sit with their babies or each other.  

“It’s a lovely space if people don’t want to attend our usual support meetings. Being outside is an excellent tonic for grief and mental health struggles and the garden’s a positive, joyful place for Bath Sands to be associated with. It’s a place of love and beauty. Being at the garden helps me too. It’s my happy place, a quiet space to be away from everything.

“The focus of the garden is a brick circle, where bereaved parents can have bricks engraved with their babies' names installed. My husband Robert and I collect the bricks from the engraver and Robert installs them in the circle. We encourage parents to donate to Sands in exchange for their brick. Almost every time I visit, I find a memento left by a bereaved parent - usually flowers but also stones or small potted plants - near their brick paver.  

 “In the last two years, we’ve been doing a wave of replanting so I’ve been to the site regularly.  

“Three of us are there most often, out in all weathers and every season, making sure the garden is a welcoming, calming space for visitors. When the garden opened in May 2019 all the flowers were in bloom, however, we always wanted the space to be year round, so I’ve been planting little shrubs and plants that look good in the winter months. We’ve mostly chosen small plants, because it’s a garden for babies so it felt right to make it small and relatable for our children, living and dead.  

“We have lovely hellebores that are great under the shade of our cherry blossom trees, and they flower in November and December and continue all the way until April. Our parents visit all year round so it’s important for the space to be fitting for their reflection and their children all year.  

“When I’m at the garden, I often think of my daughter Pippa. She has a brick there and I’ve planted things like snowdrops which make me think of her. A lot of other people see snowdrops as a symbol of their babies too.  

“'Each year, bereaved families gather at the garden after our baby remembrance service, which we hold with the support of the Royal United Hospital Bath and the staff at Haycombe Cemetery. We never know how many families will turn up, but Sands is an open doors charity and everyone is always welcome.

“It’s an absolute honour and a privilege to hold a space for bereaved families; to sit with them in their grief and hear about their precious babies. As a Sands volunteer, I’m blown away time and again by people’s courage in face of huge challenges.”