Selina shares how after finding out she was pregnant in June 2019 her pregnancy wasn't a straightforward one. She was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and at 36 weeks pregnant she and her husband Vikas were devastated to find out that a third of their baby’s brain hadn’t formed. The couple were advised a Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR) would be in the best interest of their son Aveer rather than put him through a lifetime of suffering. 

Selina shares how she and Vikas organised ‘Aveer’s Footprints’, a 5k sponsored walk during the pandemic in Aveer's memory, which raised £16,000 which the couple donated to Sands to help other bereaved parents. Selina is now involved in supporting the wider South Asian community with Sands by being part of the support group of bereaved parents who created The Enduring Light diyas for Sands. 

Please be aware that Selina has chosen to share pictures of a pregnancy test and her bump with her story. 

“My name is Selina. I am a mum to an angel baby, Aveer Goyal. 

On the 4th June 2019, I found out I was pregnant. My husband Vikas and I were so incredibly happy, and I remember feeling incredibly blessed. I thanked God so much for this tiny miracle that was going to be ours. 

However, my pregnancy was not a simple one. The 12-week scan showed a 1 in 110 chance of Downs Syndrome which is considered concerning. Throughout my pregnancy, I had ongoing tests investigating extra fluid at the baby’s brain, cysts on the brain, and the doctors were constantly telling us the baby had a larger head than expected. Despite having all these MRI’s, the results kept telling us everything was fine but perhaps these were signs that something was going on. 

In November 2019, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. This meant that I was responsible for controlling my blood sugars to protect my baby. I couldn’t snack on chocolate or sugary sweets, and being around Christmas time, this was extremely challenging. It also meant my portion of carbs had to be reduced, and protein and vegetables had to be increased. My sugars were incredibly well maintained based on diet alone. Having gestational diabetes in pregnancy meant that I had to prick my finger four times a day to check my blood sugars, which took getting used to, as I really don’t like blood or needles. 

I look incredibly happy in the photo at my baby shower below (my first whole day of managing gestational diabetes), and I was, but underneath I was also very worried about what I was eating and I couldn’t fully relax. Nevertheless, I persisted. I would always tell myself, “it is just food, and food isn’t going away”, and ultimately if my baby was safe, that was what mattered to me. I did my best to protect my baby, and the clinical team were so impressed with my sugar levels. 

Yet, at almost 36 weeks of pregnancy, we were devastated to find out that our baby had a brain abnormality which would lead to severe mental suffering in the unlikely event that he would survive. A third of his brain hadn’t formed and we were advised a termination would be in the best interest of our baby rather than put him through a lifetime of suffering. “This baby’s brain is a disaster. Don’t think about yourselves, think about your baby” we were told. 

I broke down. I screamed. I let out a scream I had never heard before. What had just happened? I couldn’t register anything in this dark ultrasound room. “I’m so sorry” I heard. Vikas and I didn’t even need to look at each other, to know that this baby wasn’t going to be with us after all. 

The days following that brain scan were a blur. We went for further tests, hoping that there would be a different outcome, but they all showed the same dreadful result. Our son’s brain hadn’t fully formed. 

I delivered Aveer on Sunday 19th January at 9.57pm, 36 weeks pregnant. Aveer was an incredibly special baby – he did not take a single breath in this world. He was the most beautiful baby. He had almond shaped eyes like my husband, and he had my nose. I will forever wonder who he would have looked like growing up. It was very fitting that we named him “Aveer” which means “brave.” If I’m at all brave today, it’s because of him. 

Losing a baby is one of the most traumatic experiences any person could go through in life. 

When I lost Aveer, I lost a future I had planned, the dreams I had every night whilst holding my bump and a part of my heart went with him. I lost my identity. I had lost my hope, faith and trust in the Universe, and for a short while, I could only see darkness. I couldn’t understand why this had happened to us. I no longer believed in anything, and the world became very uncertain with Covid arising too. It felt like I couldn’t go back, and I didn’t know how to go forward. It took my own inner strength, as well as very supportive family and a few close friends to help me stand up again. 

I started taking an interest in my hobbies again, such as dance, yoga and painting. I have lost friends along the way that didn’t understand my journey, but I’ve made new friends and grown spiritually. I now meditate daily, and it is something I can’t live without. One quote that really helped me was “You’re gonna be happy” said life, “but first I’ll make you strong.” 

In Aveer’s memory, we organised a 5k sponsored walk during the pandemic. Aveer’s Footprints raised £16,000 which we donated to Sands to help other bereaved parents. 

I am now involved with supporting the South Asian community with Sands by being part of the support group of bereaved parents to create diyas for Sands. 

I also attended the bereaved parents groups which were very supportive as I was able to speak and meet other parents.”