Shakira shares how when she found out she was expecting twins in October 2024 it was the biggest shock of her life. She also shares how although all of her pregnancies were high risk she wasn’t monitored closely and her pain wasn’t investigated as she hoped. Since her twin loss Shakira has become part of a Lewisham campaign for Sands calling for better bereavement care after baby loss so nobody else has the same experience she did. 

“I found out I was pregnant in September 2024 and in October I discovered I was carrying twins. It was the biggest shock I’ve ever experienced in my life. In comparison to my previous pregnancies, all my first trimester symptoms felt a lot more intense than I'd experienced before, but I never thought it was because I was carrying twins. I thought I was carrying a girl because when I was pregnant with my daughter previously my symptoms were worse than they were with my boy so, I just thought this feels like there's another girl in there. 

It was a shock learning that we were going to become a family of six, but at the same time it was such an honour and blessing, and we looked forward to sharing the news with our family and our two children. As you can imagine, they were completely shocked when we told them but so excited that we'd be welcoming two babies at once. From the point we found out about the twins we were very much in planning mode, thinking about how we were going to incorporate them into the house, how two cots were going to fit and looking at double buggies, but from 12 weeks pregnant I had bleeding and pain. 

In my two pregnancies prior to getting pregnant with Micaiah and Isaiah there weren’t any concerns. 

Although all of my pregnancies were high risk as I had blood clots in my first pregnancy. As I was carrying twins I had expected to be monitored closely, but this was not the case. I was also told because I’d had my son at 36 weeks my cervix would be checked at 16 weeks. Unfortunately, I wasn't seen by a consultant until nearer 17 weeks which was two weeks before my loss. It was at this appointment that I learnt that my cervix was borderline and measuring short. 

At my 12 week scan, I found out that I had fibroids and that had contributed to a lot of the pain and bleeding that I experienced, especially within the first trimester. But going into the second trimester my pain increased. I think a lot of that was because as the twins were growing, one of them was located quite near to my fibroid and when he moved it caused intense pain. 

Before my loss, I'd been admitted to hospital because of my pain, but it wasn't investigated in the way I would have hoped. It was dismissed as muscular and I was told to manage it with pain relief. The neck of my cervix was checked, and it didn't seem to be opening and both twins were very active, so I was told to go home at that point. 

At home the pain continued, but on the 16th December 2024, 19 weeks and three days into my pregnancy I woke up with a much more intense pain. A lot of the medication I was on caused constipation or gas so I thought maybe it would help to be relieved but in doing that, my first son, Micaiah came out very abruptly at home whilst I was on the toilet. I was completely startled because I just thought I was experiencing muscular pain. 

When Micaiah came out, he was alive but very small. I’d never seen a baby so small before. I called an ambulance, but I quickly came to the realisation that there wasn't anything I could do for him. Although the paramedics tried to resuscitate Micaiah, there wasn't anything medically that could be done. I was desperately hopeful that something could be done to keep Isaiah in. 

I was haemorrhaging as I hadn't delivered Micaiah’s placenta, so I was taken to hospital where I had a blood transfusion, then it was a waiting game to see what was going to happen with our second twin. Isaiah was delivered in the hospital a few hours later. From that point onwards everything was a blur. 

At the time I was told my loss was because I was carrying twins but that didn’t sit well with me because people do carry twins. It was during my subsequent pregnancy with my rainbow daughter that I discovered the loss was actually as a result of cervical weakness. 

We weren’t given any information to explain what happened to the twins or told what support there was for us after we lost Micaiah and Isaiah. 

So once I was discharged, I did a lot of my own research online. That’s when I came across Sands and Tommy's. 

Our bereavement midwife was amazing and contacted me on a weekly basis, but what we missed at the time was any encouragement to create memories with our boys. With the shock of everything that had happened, that wasn't something that I thought of but now I feel the absence of not having more pictures and more videos with the twins, just like we had with our living children. 

Since January 2025, I've attended the Sands online support group specifically for black families. 

Very early on I identified that I needed to talk as I didn't want to end up going down a black hole. The Sands support group has connected me with other mums, helped me to process what’s happened, and been the main thing that has enabled me to keep going. 

It’s also given me the ability to go on and be part of a Lewisham campaign for Sands calling for better bereavement care after baby loss. Even though I know that nothing can be done for myself, part of my desire to campaign and share is so nobody else has the same experience we did. Not being able to create memories with my boys in the hospital was something that I've really struggled with, so it's been encouraging to hear since joining the campaign that families who have lost a baby more recently have had the opportunity to create those memories with their babies. 

Hearing Micaiah and Isaiah’s names helps me. 

One of the main things that I’ve experienced, and I know is a shared feeling for a lot of bereaved parents, is how much it means to hear our children's names. I think that's something that people who’ve not experienced a loss find quite hard to understand, but it’s really comforting when I hear or see Micaiah and Isaiah’s names. Saying their names allows their memories to stay part of everyday life, even though they're not here, and I wish people would ask me about them more. Even though nobody met them living, they are still very real to me. I knew their movements, I felt like I knew their characters, and they are my sons just as much as my living children. 

And when people have been intentional about asking about my sons or have acknowledged their birthday, due date or Mother’s Day, that thought really does go a long way and I’ll never forget it. As a mother, I want all of my children to be remembered and thought of, so just like my living children are acknowledged on their birthday, it means the world to me if Micaiah and Isaiah are thought of in the same way. 

I’ve had some thoughtful gifts from people for my sons that have really meant a lot too. I relate giraffes to the twins as I was really drawn to them throughout my pregnancy, so when I’ve been gifted things that have giraffes on that means the world. Somebody I know went on holiday and brought back two giraffe ornaments and another person gifted us two giraffe pens. For me, the significance of these gifts meant everything. Another mum who lost twins sent knitted blankets with the boys' initials on which was a really thoughtful and considerate thing. Most people probably wouldn't think to do something like that because they don’t want to upset someone more, but I find it's the complete opposite. Knowing someone is thinking of the twins and acknowledging them helps. 

Baby loss is a lifetime, ongoing loss and that’s something I feel heavily. 

It’s a grief that doesn’t go away because milestones still come even though our babies aren't here. It's not like grief when you lose a loved one or a friend but you still have the memories that you created with them, with baby loss you don't have that, and day to day we have to navigate a new version of ourselves that we don't understand or know. 

It’s a loss that can be really isolating so I want to let people know that they aren't alone. 

And I really encourage anyone who needs to, to reach out to Sands. I’ve encouraged so many people to join the support group, because nobody should suffer in silence when there are people who care and understand. It doesn’t always have to feel so lonely. 

It’s a cliché but there’s power in sharing too. I’ve found through sharing myself, people that have had experiences of pregnancy or baby loss years ago have told me it’s enabled them to be open about what happened to them too."