Andy’s daughter Ellie had Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, (her organs were in the wrong places), and she also had Spina bifida, so Andy and his wife made the difficult decision to have a Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR). 

Please be aware that Andy has chosen to share pictures of her his daughter Ellie with his story. 

Ellie Lucy MacLean - 24/11/18.

Ellie was put to sleep before being stillborn at 31 weeks on 24th November 2018. My wife and I chose to take the pain away for Ellie as if she was born awake, she would have been in pain and wouldn't have survived long.

Losing Ellie changed my life forever. I felt sad, angry, all the emotions. I felt I let down my oldest son Freddie as he was expecting his sister Ellie to be coming home. I began to feel guilty; I didn’t understand why this happened to us. 

Ellie is loved so much years on and she’s a part of me and the family. In time I developed a new normal. I’m still Andy but Andy the bereaved father. 

After baby loss, guys are meant to be tough, the strong one, alpha and women get more attention as it's their body but dads need people around them too. Losing a baby really affects your mental health and some days you do feel alone. 

A couple of years ago, I joined Sands United Glasgow & Lanarkshire, and it’s helped massively to be around other bereaved dads as I felt I wasn't alone anymore. 

After we lost Ellie, it would have been nice if folk asked me how I was more often. Some did but some just asked, "how’s the wife coping?". Some people didn't want to mention Ellie at all as it broke me, but I needed to release my emotions at times. 

Even today, I often still cry, get emotional and grieve my Ellie, but the grief and missing my baby is part of me. Ellie will always be the missing part of my jigsaw.