Sasha shares how after her daughter Marnie was born in January 2024 she spent a long time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) as she had heart and spine problems. She grew her wings in March 2024, and Sasha still doesn’t know how to feel. Some days she feels ok and strong and others she wants to hide away from the world. 

Please be aware that Sasha has chosen to share a picture of baby Marnie with her story. 

I gave birth to my daughter Marnie in January 2024 when I was 18 years old. 

Marnie spent a long time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) after birth as she had heart and spine problems. Marnie was a very strong girl, and she proved many doctors wrong. I eventually took her home in February 2024 on palliative care and unfortunately in March 2024 on Mother’s Day, Marnie grew her wings. 

It’s been just over two years now and I still don't know how to feel. People say it gets easier as time goes on but to me the heartbreak will never go away. 

Sometimes I find myself lost in thought thinking of what she would have been like now and what I could have done differently. I blame myself every day, but I remind myself that it wasn't my fault. I just wish I could go back in time and change everything. 

Grief is hard because some days I feel ok and strong and then another, I just want to hide away from the world. 

Baby loss has made me fearful about having another baby too just in case I have to go through it again.