I fell pregnant in 2020. I had been for an early reassurance scan at what we worked out to be eight weeks. When I was scanned baby measured around the eight week mark and had a good heartbeat. I had been really tired, but bar that all was good.

I then had a one-off bleed at nine weeks, and my midwife told me it's perfectly normal, not to worry and she'd see me at my next appointment as I'd been booked in. 

I didn't think anything of it until I had some discharge and then my midwife told me to go to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Service (EPAS) so I phoned and got referred then went with all my bits and pieces. I was by now nearly 12 weeks and was getting excited for my 12 week scan. I was told I'd be scanned and I could keep my pictures.

I went in and got onto the bed and the lady scanned my tummy, she looked a bit puzzled. I said is everything okay? She had scanned what felt like my entire tummy and turned the screen to me and told me she was very sorry, but my baby had died and it had been a few weeks at least. She was sorry as she said it looked like a missed miscarriage and she asked me if I wanted to have a picture of my baby. It’s heart had stopped a few days after my early scan at eight weeks and three days.

I can't begin to tell you how numb I felt. I then had to see a nurse who told me what happened next. I was advised to have a Dilation and curettage (D&C) as it was thought that option would be best due to me not having passed the baby already. 

The nurse was lovely, she held my hand minus her mask and rubber gloves and said she’d be with me every step from now on and she even hugged me. I had a covid and blood test done whilst I was there and went back 48 hours later. The same nurse found me and said she'd been with me two days prior and that she had said she would be there. She held my hand and said I'm here all day; you’re not alone Emily. Before I was booked in for my operation, she offered me something to keep my baby's memories in. She said everyone is offered one after loss. I couldn't open it for two more weeks, but it brought me a lot of comfort. 

The nurse who was with me that day of my D&C said you'll get the chance to be a mum, I have a feeling. Sure enough my rainbow baby, Hope, came in December 2021 born on December 19th. I know I'm so lucky to have got that chance again and every day I am thankful.