Please be aware Heather has chosen to share a picture of Xander with her story.

“In January 2004 I discovered the most amazing news, I was pregnant! I was scared that I was going to be a rubbish mum, scared of the pain of birth but also excited that I was going to become a mum! 

At six weeks I had to visit the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit (EPAU) as I had some spotting, and they did an internal scan; babies’ heartbeat was strong though. 

At 11 weeks I had my dating scan, and all was well. My little alien was growing fine, but at 12 weeks I woke to a bed full of blood and spent the day of my husband's birthday in A&E. When they examined me though my cervix was closed and they didn't think I was losing. It was, however, a Sunday, and I was told to come back the following day for a scan. That scan photo is my favourite, baby is looking at me as if to say, "what's up mum?" 

The rest of my pregnancy went without any complications. At my 20 week scan we discovered that we were having a little boy and his name was to be Xander.

Early hours of the morning at 36 weeks I woke again to blood. We headed to the hospital, and I was kept in for 24 hours for observation but given a steroid injection and an anti D injection incase they needed to do a c-section. Baby was showing no signs of distress, and I was admitted to the ward. At 10pm that night I headed to the toilet to find I was bleeding. I pulled the cord and help arrived and took me in a chair to examine me. 

When a midwife tried to find my baby boy’s heartbeat the silence in the room was deafening. She called for the registrar, and they brought the scanner in, again, the silence was so loud. He told me the baby was dead and walked out, the student midwife in the room came and held my hand whilst I heard an animal cry out in pain, but actually it was me. My husband arrived and he had the awful job of ringing around our family to tell them the news. Everyone came quite quickly but it felt like a dream, then we were alone again, and we spent the whole night planning our son’s funeral whilst hoping the outcome would be different. We heard seven babies born that night. 

Two days later, after my husband hadn't left my side sleeping on a chair, at 2.43pm on the 3rd September 2004 our gorgeous boy, Xander Dangerfield Coombs, was born weighing 5lb 5.5oz. The midwife was amazing. She arranged photographs, hand and footprints and got me locks of his hair; she stayed with us throughout. 

We left the hospital feeling so alone, but when googling ideas for the funeral I came across Sands and their website gave me ideas of things I might like to put in his coffin, for example, writing a letter to him. The website also mentioned that Sands was a charity set up by parents to support other parents and they had befrienders. There was nothing close to us, but I was given the details for a lady down in Pembroke.

I received email support through my darkest hours which I welcomed so much as I wasn't able to speak. I could type and cry anytime of the night this way. 

The following June I attended a Sands Awareness event and met that lady in person. She got me through so much and I will always be grateful to her and to Sands.”