We're very grateful to Ruth for sharing her story with us as part of Sands campaign to save babies’ lives and improve care in Wales.
My name is Ruth and I am a 43-year-old married mother of three from Merthyr Tydfil. My husband Barry and I have our son, Teddy, who has just turned 11 years old and our twin boys, George and Henry would have turned 7 this year. However, in August 2018 George and Henry were stillborn and it was on that day I became a part of the baby loss community.
When George and Henry died due to complications related to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), a rare but life-threatening condition that affects 10 to 15 percent of identical twins that share a placenta, it was the most isolated and vulnerable I had ever felt. Not only did we have to deal with the devastating reality of leaving hospital with empty arms, but we also had to face our then 4-year-old son and try to explain why his longed-for baby brothers wouldn’t be coming home.
We were so fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful family and friends, offering emotional support, cooking meals for us and helping us adjust to this new reality. But eventually life goes back to normal for everyone else, however it was no normal that we recognised or knew. I knew that I needed to be with other bereaved mothers and people who understood our grief and devastation.
Attending my first Sands group was tough – I was scared and worried about what to say and how to say it, it took me ages to walk through the door. As soon as I was inside, I knew that it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. The Befriender running the group was so kind and welcoming and just being in a room with other families who had been through the same heartache was so comforting.
Making the decision in 2022 to become a Befriender myself was an easy decision, I knew I needed to support others in the way I had been supported. I knew that I needed to share my stories in the hope that it allowed others to feel less isolated. At my first group there were only three of us there but slowly, over the coming months, our numbers grew. As much as you hope that there aren’t people out there who have experienced the heartache of baby loss and therefore need your support, it is comforting to know that our group is there to support those who need it.
Our group has grown and now I am supported by the wonderful Nia who is a befriender alongside me. We host several ribbon displays every year during Baby Loss Awareness Week and we also put on events for our group members such as Wreath Making at Christmas time, Art Therapy evenings and we hope to continue to offer more events like this in the future.
In addition to being a Befriender and organising events for Merthyr Sands, being a voice and advocate for bereaved parents has always been an important part of my story. Sadly, we were failed by maternity services and our boys died due to medical negligence. This is why campaigning for improvements to maternity care and better bereavement care in Wales is so important to me and my family.
Getting involved in the Wales campaign is something that I didn’t have to think twice about. I believe strongly that now is the time for action and that families across Wales deserve better care before, during and after pregnancy.
Standing alongside other bereaved parents to challenge and question Members of the Senedd is the first step in our campaign for commitments from all the political parties to make these issues central to their manifestos ahead of the 2026 elections.
We hope our voices are listened to and that our words resonate with those who have the power to make these changes.