Salil shares how in December 2018 he and his wife’s excitement at the prospect of having twins turned into sheer panic and overwhelming emotional turmoil when they learned that their little girl, Annabel, had foetal hydrops, and wouldn’t survive the pregnancy and if she did make it, she would only live hours at best. At 28 weeks, Annabel stopped moving and her heart stopped beating. At 32 weeks, Annabel and her twin brother George were born. Seven years on, Salil shares how Annabel is very much part of their family and how with help, support and guidance from Sands, very early on he and his wife made a conscious decision to let George and his older brother Harry know all about their sister. The family have also been keen to show their support for Sands who have been a great source of comfort to them. Sail run the London Marathon for the charity, his wife has done a sponsored skydive, and most recently, nine year old Harry has completed a 20 week, 200kms running challenge in memory of his sister. 

Please be aware that Salil has chosen to share pictures of his eldest son Harry with his story. 

Back in December 2018 our excitement at the prospect of having twins turned into sheer panic and overwhelming emotional turmoil when we learned that our little girl, Annabel, would not survive the pregnancy and if she did make it, she would only last hours at best. She was diagnosed with foetal hydrops, a condition where swelling develops under the skin and infiltrates into the heart and lung cavity making it impossible for the vital organs to develop. She was very much being kept alive by my wife. Those moments with the radiologist remain chilling and vivid and will never leave us. 

We learned of this at our 20 week scan and were advised that we should think about having her terminated as this would enhance the chances for her brother, George, of having a normal development and birth. However, there was also a risk that the procedure could be detrimental to George. 

We simply couldn't face the prospect of losing both our babies so decided to continue with the pregnancy for as long as possible. 

We were scanned weekly up in London to monitor the development of both babies. Our little girl was growing but it was clear that the swelling was becoming significant. We were always advised that a termination should take place but as time went on, we simply found that decision increasingly difficult to make. 

At 28 weeks my wife collapsed whilst out shopping one Saturday. She was taken into hospital and we were given no alternative, we would have to go in on Monday and say goodbye to Annabel. She was becoming so big that she was now starting to press on my wife’s organs, which could have become fatal for both my wife and our son. The day before we were due to go in for the procedure my wife turned to me and said, ‘I think she’s gone’. Our little girl had stopped moving. My wife was of course correct as the next day the hospital confirmed that her heart had stopped beating. 

We were spared of having to make that awful decision and, as parents, we believe in our hearts that she took control and made that decision to save her mum and her brother. It’s the way we have chosen to view and process this heartbreaking moment, and it gives us some comfort. 

The next four weeks were extremely emotionally traumatic. 

My wife was carrying our daughter whilst ever worrying that George would be okay. 

At 32 weeks my wife was rushed in to have an emergency C-section. Both our babies were born. As agreed, Annabel was taken quickly away and George was then delivered. It is hard to describe the feelings that were coursing through both of us. As I write I can vividly remember one of the amazing midwives taking Annabel and lovingly looking after her. My position in theatre was obviously very different to my wife’s and all I can say is in that moment our midwife provided me with so much comfort. I know both of us will never forget her role in the birth of Annabel who was taken away and with whom we would be reunited with when we were ready. 

George then entered this world. As I write I can almost relive that emotion of relief, joy, fear combined with an acute feeling of grief. He weighed 2lbs 13oz and was whisked away to the special care baby unit. 

We were to stay in the bereavement suite of the labour ward for a few days. 

It is hard to ultimately understand what my wife had been through and the emotional trauma as well as physical, that she had to endure. Seven years on the scars are still very real but as I shall talk about shortly, the help and support we have received has been invaluable. 

Whilst in the hospital our daughter Annabel was looked after and dressed in the clothes we chose for her, and we were able to meet her. Her physical appearance did not soften the overwhelming feeling of love that we instantly had for her, from the moment we knew of her, to the moment we found out she would not survive, to the moments we saw her alive on every scan we had, to the moment she passed and then to the moment she was delivered onto this earth. We held her and had a lovely moment with the hospital chaplain. It was a peaceful and humbling moment where time stood still. She remains locked in our hearts and is very much a part of our beautiful family. 

Throughout this journey Sands have been a great source of comfort and support. 

The bereavement midwives were amazing from the second we found out about Annabel’s condition. With the help, support and guidance from Sands we made a very early conscious decision to let George and his older brother Harry know all about their sister and she is very much welcomed into conversation and embedded into our family. 

The amazing tree that Sands have created is a beautiful physical place for us to go and remember Annabel at Boulters Lock in Maidenhead. 

As a family we have always been keen to show our support for Sands. 

I have run the London Marathon for them, my wife has done a sponsored skydive. And our eldest son Harry (nine) has recently completed completing a 20 week running challenge, where he aimed to complete 10 kms per week. In total, he reached 200kms which is the approximate distance from our house in Bracknell to National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire and we went there for him to finish his challenge. We are very proud of him and his total commitment to a cause that has become very special to him. 

Our journey, like all journey’s is unique to us but also recognises the thousands of other families who have been through similar. 

Annabel is an eternal light in all our hearts and whilst we still contemplate the what ifs, we remain comforted that she flies free and is with us all of the time.