Joanna shares how at 19 weeks and three days pregnant she went into spontaneous labour and gave birth to her little girl, Ray. She shares how losing Ray to a late miscarriage changed everything for her family. They came home from hospital without their baby and had to begin living alongside a grief they had never imagined. Joanna also shares how she and her partner later learned that, following her first birth, she should have been referred for specialist preterm birth care in any future pregnancy. Knowing that additional care should have been in place during her pregnancy with Ray, but wasn’t, will always be incredibly difficult for them to process. Joanna goes on to share how she is currently pregnant again and how this pregnancy has been filled with hope and fear. This pregnancy does not replace Ray; she remains completely part of their family and always will, and it exists alongside love for her, grief, and hope for what comes next. 

Please be aware that Joanna has chosen to share a picture of Ray’s hand and footprints with her story. 

In October 2022 we welcomed our first child. I had a straightforward pregnancy, but after reaching full dilation and pushing, I eventually delivered by emergency C-section. In May 2024 I became pregnant again. 

On 11 September, at 19 weeks and three days, I went into spontaneous labour and gave birth to our little girl, Ray. Losing Ray changed everything for us. We came home from hospital without our baby and had to somehow begin living alongside a grief we had never imagined. In the months that followed we also had questions about why it had happened. We later learned that, following my first birth, I should have been referred for specialist preterm birth care in any future pregnancy. During my emergency C-section my cervix had been cut, and we were subsequently told this may have contributed to cervical weakness and the very early labour with Ray. Knowing that additional care should have been in place, but wasn’t, will always be incredibly difficult to process. 

After losing Ray, we then went through a painful 16 months of secondary infertility before finally becoming pregnant again in February 2026. 

This pregnancy has been filled with both hope and fear. I have been under specialist preterm care, had a cervical stitch placed at 12 weeks and regular cervical monitoring throughout. 

I am now 33 weeks pregnant and, while I still don’t take for granted that we will bring this baby home, we are allowing ourselves to prepare, to feel excited, and to imagine life with our long-awaited rainbow baby. 

Ray remains completely part of our family and always will. This pregnancy does not replace her; it exists alongside our love for her, our grief, and our hope for what comes next. 

After losing Ray, we received support from Petals and Freddie’s Wish, and in this pregnancy we have also been supported by Tommy’s through the preterm clinic at St Thomas’s Hospital. 

Petals provided specialist counselling after our loss, which gave me space to process both the grief of losing Ray and the trauma surrounding her birth. Having support from someone who understood pregnancy and baby loss specifically made a huge difference. 

Freddie’s Wish also supported us during an incredibly difficult time and helped us feel less alone in the aftermath of losing Ray. 

In this pregnancy, Tommy’s has played a very different but equally important role through the preterm clinic at St Thomas’s. Having specialist monitoring, regular cervical measurements and a cervical stitch in place has helped me feel much more supported and reassured throughout what has otherwise been a very anxious pregnancy. 

None of that support removes the grief, but together these organisations have helped us feel less alone, better cared for and more able to navigate both life after loss and pregnancy after loss.