In September 2022, I suffered a traumatic miscarriage. I was unlucky that not only was I losing my baby, but I was also admitted to A&E and kept in for an emergency procedure due to the pain and blood loss. Throughout this horrifying ordeal, I had the support of my incredible husband and the caring staff at the hospital who made sure I was taken care of, not only medically speaking, but in general. Covid restrictions at the time still didn't allow patients to have companions/visitors, but this was not even a question we had to ask once we got in the hospital. Staff looked after my husband as much as they did me. 

Before my miscarriage I had never been off work, so it felt surreal to be taking time off whilst also grieving and coming to terms with what happened

I started my new position as an Assistant Relationship Manager at Ulster Bank the same month and was really enjoying the job; I wanted to stay involved and didn't want to disappoint anyone because I felt I had something to prove with the promotion - that I could learn fast and do the job well. So even while waiting for my scan, I’d been on my work phone answering emails. My team was incredible though, they said not to worry and that they could manage but in retrospect, I think I needed to work. I wasn't ready to deal with what was happening, so my manager allowed me to do as much as I felt I could do.

After my miscarriage I still took part in the bank's fundraising campaign for Macmillan Cancer because, again, I didn't want to disappoint anyone. At the end of this, we had our usual final call to say what was raised and after this call I saw I had a voicemail. When I listened, it turned out to be from one of the senior leaders in my department with a personal note to say thanks especially given what I had been going through. I cried. It felt overwhelming to be appreciated and supported at the same time.

Sadly, I suffered another miscarriage in February 2023

This time I took time off work entirely of which my team was very supportive. My manager kindly agreed to share my news should anyone ask about me, which gave me comfort in knowing I wouldn't have to share the news myself given no one knew I was pregnant in the first place.

The resources available at the NatWest Group for employees were second to none. After my first miscarriage I called and arranged to use the Employee Assistance Programme and scheduled a meeting with a counsellor. This was invaluable. My counsellor was incredible and a gift to anyone who needs help. She was able to bring out details from me which I didn't feel I could share with anyone else, and this allowed me to start my healing process much faster than I know I myself would have done otherwise. 

I also have to thank my manager. Even though he didn't have an understanding of pregnancy loss, he was quick to check all resources available and point me in the direction of a Fertility and Pregnancy Loss NatWest page where I could follow any news, meetings etc. A colleague in this team was very helpful when I suffered my second miscarriage and helped me and my husband in understanding sick leave from an HR perspective when I returned to work, which was one less thing to worry about. 

I actually realised I was having difficulty while in the office during my second pregnancy; and again, a colleague and my manager were so supportive. My manager actually drove me home, and since then he’s approved time during working hours to allow me to see an NHS bereavement support midwife to help me with my grief. A simple gesture like this means I don't have to worry about scheduling and can get the help I need.

To others going through baby loss, I’d say don't hide it. You will be amazed at how many others have gone through or are going through the same

You may find they have advice or information you haven't considered or seen which may help you down the line. More importantly, not talking about it won't change what happened, but talking about your loss could help you and your loved ones in the grieving process.

I wish people weren't afraid to talk to me about my loss or afraid that they were overstepping by mentioning it. I think as colleagues in general, we’re afraid to upset someone and so we don't say anything, but it’s so important to remember that by not asking someone how they are doing, we might not even realise they are struggling. How can we help if we don't know a colleague is in need of support?

I feel truly lucky to have a great team of wonderful colleagues at Ulster Bank; they are a fantastic bunch of people, and with them and the resources available, I couldn't ask for more.