Your story begins in the early hours of the morning on 6th of December 2015, I woke up in pain thinking this is it it’s time

You were finally coming into this world even though it was a few weeks too soon, the pain started to get worse as I called for the ambulance, I kept telling myself it’s okay you can do this, just breathe.

The ambulance arrived. As they took me into the back of the ambulance I then got the most horrible feeling - a feeling that I will never ever forget. The feeling that something was horribly wrong.

I started to panic as your movements had stopped as I arrived at the hospital. I felt a huge gush of what I thought was my waters. I shouted to the nurse and she said everything’s okay it’s probably just your waters. Little did she know she was ever so wrong,. They then moved me from the ambulance trolley to the hospital bed. That’s when I saw nothing but red. There was no water just lots and lots of blood.

The doctors and nurses tried to keep me calm they tried to find your heartbeat but had no luck.

They then did a scan to see if they could find you and there you were.

I looked around the room to see the faces of all who were there. Eyes filling up with tears and the doctors face changed as he then told you the words you dreaded to hear,

"I’m ever so sorry but there is no longer a heartbeat" 

In that moment everything then changed. Your Nana was holding me crying saying "I’m sorry".

My heart was smashed into pieces but really slowly. It was like time all of a sudden slowed down. 

I was numb although my body was laid in that bed it felt like everything thing else had left. 

Then the time had come it was time to push. What felt like hours to me was only minutes to the nurses and doctors. You then arrived still asleep and ever so quiet, there weren’t any movements not even a cry. You were so perfect and beautiful - everything I could of ever wanted. I cradled you for a few short minutes before they handed you to your Nana.

I then started to lose a lot more blood to the point I almost died too, but something that day saved me.

I still don’t know how or why but I wish you could of been saved too. Now we may be apart but your safely locked in my heart 

The feeling of losing you that day will never go away but now I have something ever so special.

A guardian angel

My Isabella-Darcie