Whether you are planning to celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah this year, or have already celebrated Diwali in November, we know that festivals such as these can be difficult for anyone who has been affected by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby. With so much focus on family, children and socialising, those living with loss can feel even more isolated and alone in their grief. Here at Sands, we want to reach out to anyone feeling this way over the festive period. You are not alone.
Sands Helpline Opening Hours
Call 0808 164 3332 (Freephone) or email helpline@sands.org.uk
- Thursday 24 December (Christmas Eve) – 10am –12pm
- Friday 25 December (Christmas Day) – Closed
- Monday 28 December – Closed
- Tuesday 29th, Wednesday 30th, Thursday 31st – 10am-2pm
- Friday 1 January (New Year's Day) – Closed
We reopen as normal from Monday 4 January (10-3pm Monday to Friday and 6-9pm Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings).
Remembering in a way that is right for you
There can be many demands on your time and energy over the festive season from friends, family and colleagues. Self-care and taking time to grieve or remember your baby in a way that feels right for you is important. This may mean option out of some social occasions, asking friends and family to rearrange visits or just spending time with the people who are supportive. It could also mean remembering your baby quietly and in private.
Everyone grieves differently and some years might be harder than others. Sometimes different ways of coping with feelings and grief have the potential to create tension within families. Try to be honest about your needs with yourself and those around you. Be open to how the needs of others may be different from yours. There is no right or wrong way to feel at this time of year or any other.
You might choose to celebrate a festival in ways that you did before your baby died, or to make new traditions or not to celebrate at all. Not everyone will feel it is an option to step away completely, but listening to your own needs is important when making plans or spending time with others. There is no right or wrong way to remember your baby, as long as it is feels right for you.
Sands Ambassador, Genelle Aldred's Podcast
In this podcast episode Sands Ambassador Genelle Aldred, a journalist and communications advisor, draws on her personal experience to explore the complex emotions surrounding the holiday season, especially for those navigating grief and loss.
Sands Ambassador, Malin Andersson talks about Coping at Christmas
Ways to remember your baby this festive season
We asked the Sands community to share some ideas of what helps them to remember their baby over the festive season. Some may feel right for you, but don’t feel like you have to do anything. There is no right or wrong way to feel.
- Attend one of the many Winter Lights events happening across the UK.
- Order yourself a beautiful personalised candle, available from Next, and help support our vital work.
- Put some time aside to remember your baby and prioritise your self-care with the Sands Wellbeing Box or Wellbeing Journal.
- Make or buy a special festive decoration in memory of your baby, maybe with their name on.
- Say your baby’s name out loud and talk about them to friends and family.
- Donate a gift for a child who is the same age that your child would be, perhaps to a refuge or children’s charity.
- Visit a special place – where your baby is buried, where their ashes are scattered, a memorial garden or favourite place for remembering them.
- Make a dedication on our Winter Wishes page.
- Write a seasonal greetings card to your baby and keep it in their Memory Box or stocking.
- Instead of sending greeting cards to others, make a donation in memory of your baby.
- Set up an Always Loved tribute page
Supporting others during the festive season
To a lot of families, acknowledging the baby that has died and using their name can mean a lot. We have put together some tips for anyone who wants to help a family member, friend or colleague in the lead up to the festive season. These practical, compassionate suggestions include ways to honour and remember much-loved and missed babies:
- Send a card to let them know you are thinking of them and their baby and remember to add the baby’s name if you are able.
- Ask if there is anything practical you can do to help, e.g. cooking, driving, or looking after other children.
- Keep in touch with them over the holiday. Send a message to let them know you are thinking of them.
- Ask if they want to talk about their baby. Use their baby’s name.
- Get them a thoughtful gift to show that you are thinking of them. That could be a beautiful personalised candle, available from Next in aid of Sands, the Sands Wellbeing Box or Wellbeing Journal. It will make a big difference.
- Offer to attend one of our Winter Lights events with them.
- Ask if you can write on their Always Loved tribute page, if they have one.
- Invite them to social event, or for a walk and a coffee. Make sure they know that if they don’t want to join, you won’t be offended.
- Ask if they would like you to go with them if they are doing something they are anxious about, such as delivering cards to neighbours or attending a memorial event for the first time.
- Ask if it would be OK for you to donate to Sands in their baby’s name.
Support for children
If you have other children or grandchildren, you may feel it is important to create special memories for them. You may want to include them in activities to honour and remember your baby that has died, such as:
- Making a bauble or other decoration or ornament
- Hanging a stocking for their sibling on the fireplace
- Making a Christmas card
- Buying a gift to donate for a child the age of their sibling
- Visiting a special place
Children have different levels of understanding of loss and death at different ages so they may have questions or thoughts that they have not shared with you before. Young children may be asked to take part in nativity plays at school or nursery which may bring up particular thoughts or emotions. It can be helpful to think about how to talk to children about your baby that has died and how you want to include their memory in family activities, if you choose to.
Take a look at our support for siblings resources
You don't have to face it alone
If you would like support from Sands over the Christmas period, you can access it in the following ways:
Sands helpline
You can find the opening hours and contact details above.
Sands Online Community
This is a safe, moderated online space for bereaved parents to share their experiences and support each other. Once you have a log in you can access the site 24/7 to read and share posts with other users. Visit our Online Community.
Winter Lights
Winter Lights events are an opportunity to come together as a community and remember your baby at a time of year that may have cultural and religious associations. Sands volunteers organise support and remembrance events to provide peace and comfort to parents, siblings and anyone else touched by pregnancy or baby loss. We call these events Winter Lights to symbolise the moments we often share across winter, and using light as a sign of hope and remembrance. They are special moments, and we warmly welcome you to join us at an event near you.
Sands bereavement support materials
We have information and support booklets on different topics that are available read and download.