A mother shares how she discovered she’d had a missed miscarriage at her 12 week scan when she saw her beautifully formed baby sleeping on the screen. She shares how the words “there is no heartbeat” will be forever etched in her brain and how she didn’t ever consider this could happen to her as she had already had a successful pregnancy. She also shares how when she fell pregnant again with her rainbow baby boy she wasn’t able to enjoy her pregnancy because she had fears of previous events. 

“I had a missed miscarriage discovered at my 12 week scan where I saw my beautifully formed baby who was sadly sleeping on the screen. Those words "there is no heartbeat" are forever etched in my brain and the doctor I spoke to after actually laughed at some of my questions. 

Two weeks later I ended up in hospital having still not passed the pregnancy and becoming unwell with doctors missing the signs. I didn’t ever consider this could happen as I had already had a successful pregnancy. 

Three months later I fell pregnant with my rainbow baby boy. I couldn’t enjoy the pregnancy as I had so many fears of a recap of previous events and worries of becoming unwell and not being able to care for my first baby. He arrived safely 15 days early and I fell in love with him instantly. 

I still mark my lost babies due date every year which is bittersweet as I know that when I wish them a happy birthday every year and feel that longing for them, I remember that I wouldn’t have my rainbow baby boy cuddled into me now. He is such a vibrant cheeky little boy I will be forever grateful for.

I found Sands through a friend and reading that others had been through similar to me was painful to read but helped me feel not so alone."