A bereaved mother shares her experience of ectopic pregnancy and how throughout she felt her concerns were dismissed despite repeatedly explaining the pain she was experiencing. She felt very little was properly explained to her, received no emotional or mental health support, and wasn’t signposted to any relevant support services, resulting in her feeling very alone when trying to navigate and find professional support following her loss. Through an Instagram account, she was put in touch with Sands who helped her access the support she needed. She has since attended Sands online support meetings for African and Caribbean communities which has helped her process her grief. 

I found out I was pregnant at four weeks and quickly felt that something was wrong. I began experiencing spotting, which was soon accompanied by pain in my right shoulder. Over the following days, the pain became increasingly severe and was particularly excruciating when I was lying down. I raised these concerns with my midwife, but she did not appear overly concerned due to how early I had discovered I was pregnant. Throughout this experience, I was repeatedly asked whether I was certain of the date of my last menstrual period, despite being confident in my dates. I also felt that the severity of my symptoms was questioned. I am grateful that I trusted my instincts and persisted in seeking care.

After researching my symptoms, I felt they closely matched those of an ectopic pregnancy. I contacted the Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU), where I was asked to take two further pregnancy tests before being offered an appointment. When I attended the hospital, I underwent multiple tests which confirmed that I was pregnant, there had been a clear sense of doubt up to that point. 

I was advised to return 48 hours later for repeat blood tests to determine whether my hCG levels were rising appropriately. I returned and the results showed my hCG levels had remained stable so I was then booked in for a scan.

The morning of the scan I was inconsolable because I felt certain it would confirm an ectopic pregnancy which it did. I was led to a waiting room and a nurse attended and began speaking about the next steps, at this point I had not been informed it was an ectopic pregnancy and had been led to this room to wait for results. 

Following this everything happened really quickly, there was a lot of urgency, and I was informed an ectopic pregnancy could be life threatening. I had blood tests and was taken to a ward to wait for surgery. I remained in a waiting room for seven hours before a doctor came to see me and advised I would not require surgery. Instead, I was presented with treatment options and told I would need to return the following day as it was too late in the day to receive medication. I felt frustrated and upset, having repeatedly been told earlier that morning how dangerous the situation was, only then to be sent home. Throughout the entire process, I felt that my concerns had been dismissed despite repeatedly explaining the pain I was experiencing. 

I returned the next day for treatment. Three days later, I was again in excruciating pain and returned to the EPU. I felt that the response I received was patronising; I was told that my hCG levels were still rising and that it would take time for the methotrexate injection to take effect. I felt that very little had been properly explained to me. Although I had been given an information leaflet when making decisions about my treatment, no one had taken the time to go through the information with me or ensure that I fully understood the implications and expected course of treatment.

Following successful treatment, I continued to experience pelvic pain for a further two months. During this time, my GP felt that my care remained the responsibility of the EPU, while the EPU advised that it was no longer within their remit because I was no longer pregnant. As a result, I felt unsupported and unsure where to go for help with this. 

Overall, I felt that my experience with the EPU significantly added to my distress during an already traumatic time. I was frequently told how common ectopic pregnancies were, yet I received no emotional or mental health support, nor was I signposted to any relevant support services. Trying to navigate and find professional support following my loss made me feel very alone but I was incredibly lucky to have the love and support of my family and friends. 

Through an Instagram account, Raising Me and Mine, I was put in touch with Jordan from Sands. Jordan was incredible; she listened to me, understood my experience, and helped me access the support I needed. I attended online support meetings for African and Caribbean communities, and the support I received from Jordan, Seyi, and the other members of the group has helped me process my grief. 

I would recommend Sands to anyone experiencing pregnancy or baby loss. I am deeply grateful for the support I received and cannot thank everyone involved enough for helping me through such a difficult period in my life.