After trying for a couple of years to fall pregnant again (we have a six-year-old Oscar), we were overjoyed to find out we were expecting twin girls, due in January 2024. 

On the 19th December, after a routine 35-week scan, we were given the devastating news that we had lost twin two, Poppy. Our lives changed in an instant. The future we had imagined was ripped away from us. Lola was born the next day, and we’re so thankful that she is happy and healthy. We decided not to meet Poppy on the day they were born as I really needed a day for Lola. I know the date will always be a tough one, but I couldn’t also have it be the date that I said goodbye to her sister. We met and said goodbye to Poppy the following day.

The months that followed were a mixture of emotions - the depths of grief versus a celebration of our daughter, Lola, whilst being in the trenches of newborn life. It passed by in a haze. 

Throughout the past five months we have been surrounded with so much love and support, it helped soothe our broken hearts. 

There is no reason why Poppy isn’t here with us. The autopsy didn’t give us any answers except that it was quick, there was no sign of deterioration, she was there one minute and gone the next and I had a scan within 24 hours of her passing, but I will always feel like I let her down, my body didn’t grow her to be strong enough. 

We are still broken, and I don’t think the cracks will ever heal. In every one of Lola’s milestones I see the ghost of her sister - she should be here reaching these milestones too. It’s all still so raw. 

I am in grief therapy as well as one to one counselling sessions. The support we have received from the hospital has been phenomenal. Our bereavement midwives have been with us every step of the way and we couldn’t have done it without them. I will never forget their kindness and compassion. Finley’s Casting also made casts of Poppy’s hands and feet for us, so now I can hold her hand forever.