When Nicola didn’t feel her baby boy Zach move a few days before her due date, she thought his movements were slowing ahead of her giving birth. She went to her local hospital to be checked and received the devastating news that Zach had passed away. Nicola shares how Zach’s stillbirth, telling her two older children that they wouldn’t be having the sibling they were excited about, and planning Zach’s funeral was the hardest time of her and her husband’s lives. After going through such a difficult time, Nicola reflected on life and considered doing the things she had kept putting off beforehand, including writing a children’s book “The Magic Fairground”. This really helped Nicola to cope with her grief and to shift her focus gradually from grieving to new possibilities. 

“On 21st September 2011, at full term, we had a stillborn baby boy whom we named Zach Oliver. I had had two easy, healthy pregnancies before having Zach and just presumed my third pregnancy would be the same.

When I didn't feel Zach move a few days before my due date, I just presumed his movements were slowing ahead of giving birth. Nonetheless, I went along to my local hospital to be checked, and this is when I received the devastating news that Zach had passed away. I was in utter shock and felt so naive, I didn't even know this could happen at such a late stage in pregnancy. I didn't feel this was real. 

It was the hardest time of our lives, gradually coming to terms with not having the baby we had dreamt about and planned for. It was so hard telling my older two children they wouldn't be having the sibling they were excited about. Practical things like sorting out the nursery that was ready and all the new baby things seemed impossible. Telling people the news was so hard, planning a funeral that I felt shouldn't be happening, he was so small and never got a chance.

In the months after the stillbirth, the support I received from my husband, family and friends helped me so much through these early days and my grief. Obviously there were days that were so much harder than others but gradually things became a little more possible, day by day, week by week.

After going through such a difficult time, I reflected on life generally and considered doing the things I had kept putting off beforehand. I had always wanted to write a children’s book, so I decided to spend time doing just that. This really helped me to cope with my grief and shift my focus gradually from grieving to new possibilities. At the time, I only wrote the book for my children. However, recently I submitted this to a publisher (CAAB) and it was accepted. My book is called 'The Magic Fairground,' and it launched recently.”

To find out more about Nicola's book "The Magic Fairground" please visit: 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1913781313?spcref=PRINT_LISTING

https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-magic-fairground/nicola-barnes/9781913781316