After I had my miscarriage, I left work to be at home with my eighteen month old daughter. I couldn't face going back and wanted to concentrate on trying for another baby without added pressures. At that point colleagues had said, "oh well, never mind, try again" or "it was for the best". So when I lost my daughter Molly a year later, a day after she was born, I endured more silly comments, "look to the future", "there will be others". I was glad that I was not working there anymore or I would have probably shouted at some of them!

When I had the chance to start a part-time job at my daughter's school, I thought that it would be good for me, mixing with adults again; gaining confidence, not too much pressure. Little did I realise that two and a half years after I would be totally unprepared for how I would feel knowing that Molly should be amongst all the other reception children running around the playground outside with me and eating her lunch in the dinner hall.

The head teacher will be unaware of my situation and only one colleague knows about Molly and how I feel. It is not a subject that crops up in conversation very often, so I'm left alone to cope with my feelings and have to learn to live with them, although it's not easy! But I have a wonderful husband to share it all with, good or bad.

Samantha, mother of Molly.

March 2002