I lost my first child, a boy, just over two months ago. It had been an up and down pregnancy and when we went for some more detailed heart scans, we discovered it had stopped. My wife and I were both crying and I can’t remember much about the hours after, but I can remember so vividly when the Doctor said that our baby had died. The day of the first scan will always be the best moment of my life and that will always be the worst.
It’s a terrible feeling of sadness and emptiness. It’s completely changed my outlook on life. I realise how precious it is. I have been involved with boxing for a long time, and that community has rallied around me. I am running a 10k in memory of my son with some other boxers and trying to raise money for Sands.
Some people however can be so cold. It has made me realise who is a true friend and who isn’t, which is sad but true. I don't expect anyone to know the ins and outs of what happens in this situation. But behaving towards a grieving parent as if nothing has happened can be extremely upsetting. Being the dad as well, so many people asked how my wife was and told me I had to be strong for her, but don’t ask how I am.
I just want to say to other people who experience this, you aren’t alone. Please talk to each other if you are in a relationship. If you are the father, you are allowed to feel however you want. It’s ok to be emotional and ask for help and support if you need it, it's ok to go do some exercise, it's ok to read a book all day, and it’s ok to have time off work. Don't let anyone pressure you into behaving or feeling a certain way.
I’ll always be proud I was a father to a beautiful little boy and he’ll always be my son. I’ll never forget you, and I’ll always love you.