It was Friday 8th of September my birthday and I had an appointment at the clinic with my midwife Wendy. As we went into the room all the normal checks were taken; blood pressure, weight and fetal heartbeat. Up to this point everything was fine. Wendy then measured my stomach I was 32 weeks pregnant but I was only measuring 28 weeks. Wendy then made me an appointment to go and see my consultant for a scan on the 20th September at the hospital.

It was Wednesday 13th September 11.30pm and I had gone to bed I felt fine. I fell asleep and at 2.00 am I was woken up with a pain in my left side it felt like a stitch. I got out of bed and came down stairs from that point on I kept running backwards to toilet to be sick. One hour had passed and I still didn't feel myself, I started to get backache and thought I was in labour. I woke my partner up but as time went on it got worse he then rang my mum. I felt that bad I couldn't even talk to her; she came for me at 4.00 am. As I stood up to walk it felt like I was floating I couldn't even put on my shoes. I finally made it to the car and we arrived at the hospital at 4.30 am. We went straight up to the labour ward and we were allocated a room, one of the staff came in and put me on to a bed. The midwife then put me on the monitor, and a doctor came in with a scanner it felt like I was waiting for ages. He wasn't telling me anything he went for another doctor. She said she would look first then tell me what she could see. I was so worried it took another 30 minutes and then she said ‘I am sorry but I can't find the baby’s heartbeat’. I looked at my mum I didn't know what to say it hadn't hit me yet I didn't understand. But I knew that there was something wrong. Blood tests were then taken and labour was induced. Events that followed only got worse after Keigan was delivered. My uterus was not contracting and I was losing too much blood the doctors finally got it under control.

 My son Keigan Lee was born sleeping on the 14th September 2006 at 12.18 pm weighing 3lb 4oz at 32 weeks and 6 days.

 I got to hold my son and one of the staff washed him and dressed him in a suit we had chosen. He was perfect and all the family came to the hospital. I was moved into my own room and he stayed with me 48 hours. During this time he was blessed by the hospital Chaplain and I received 4 blood transfusions.

 I am thankful for having those 2 days with Keigan. I will never forget him and he will always be in our hearts, there is not a day goes by that I do not think of him. He has two brothers Kallum 4 years old and Korey 3 years old they ask when he is coming home and we have told them that he has gone in the sky with the stars.
After we returned home I found it hard very upsetting and angry. Why me, what have I done? I can remember walking in the front door with just a box of Keigan’s precious things, and thinking this is not right I should be bringing him home. A fortnight later I went to see him at the rest room he was so cold but he looked lovely. I held him and gave him one last kiss before putting photos of the family and a blue rabbit in his moses basket. On the 28th of September we held his cremation. I chose to have him cremated so I would be able to bring him home as that's where he belongs.

Since losing my son I have visited my consultant and have now learned that the problem which caused him to lose his life was a major abruption which is a rare event and is caused by bleeding behind the placenta causing a large clot to form between the womb and the placenta and in effect cuts off the oxygen supply to the baby.  This is what caused my baby’s death and there was nothing I could have done. But even knowing this I was still blaming myself. Nobody knows why this happens and nobody can predict it or prevent it. I don’t know if I want to take that chance and try to have another child as I am so frightened of it happening again. Now I am just plodding along trying to make sense of it all and I am now able to grieve.

Love you always and forever Keigan

Mummy, Daddy and brothers Kallum & Korey