On 30th October 2017 the day started off like any normal day I was 34 and a half weeks pregnant and in my last week of work before maternity leave. As I sat eating my lunch I got a shooting pain through and around my belly button instinctively I thought something was wrong.
I left work and went to A&E thinking at worst baby might be coming early. After 2 hours being passed around the hospital I got an ultrasound to hear those dreaded 6 words " I'm sorry there's no heart beat."
At that point my life became a daze and a week of outer body experiences started. I was told to come back to the hospital on the 1st November so I could be induced that day in between I can recall every minute all the stupid things we done whilst feeling so numb.
Having been induced at 3.30am on the second I was told I was only 3cm dilated and they didn't think anything would happen I fell asleep waking 75 mins later to my waters breaking and after only one push my perfect little boy Aiden William Menzies was born sleeping.
He was perfect and just looked like every other baby so peaceful and all mine. The love I felt for him from that second having not known what we were having was overwhelming.
Within the hospital my partner and I spent the next 60 hours with our little boy making so many amazing memories hundreds of pictures hand and footprints and a naming service was also available for us to have.
Having never experienced anything like this we were so unsure what was right but with the help and support of so many within the hospital we took every available opportunity making memories and living with the fact this was our time with our boy and we didn't want to leave the hospital with no regrets.
In the run up to our sons 1st birthday time has gone so fast yet so slow but what's got me through the year is the love and support shown for my son everyday. My son is mentioned and all I try is to do is make him proud.
He was and will always be my first child and the love I have for him grows stronger everyday as I try and live in his memory.
The day I have birth to my little boy was the hardest most traumatic day of my life yet it is the day I would relive a hundred times over having my son in my arms and my perfect little boy lying beside me as I slept. The statistics are terrifying for stillbirth and it's true until this happens to you you don't know how to react or be able to approach the subject every child matters and is loved by their family I don't just think of the baby I lost but also the hopes and dreams I lost for my child too